So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
