He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
