Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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