Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
