Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
