I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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