Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
