I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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