i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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