and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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