Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't turn off my feet"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
