38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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