Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
