I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
