i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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