I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
