i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
