Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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