this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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