it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
