Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
