is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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