Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
