you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
