my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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