I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
