Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
