I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
