he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
