If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
