so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize