Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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