Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
