glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
