Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
