did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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