She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
