I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
