I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i drank out of a bidet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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