I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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