I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
