people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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