She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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