man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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