I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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