The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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