Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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