I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
