he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
