it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
