No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
