Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I understand Curling. That high.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
