you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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