I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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