C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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