After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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