peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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