im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
