I puked a lego.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
