Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't deserve a penis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
