I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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