My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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