I think I died a long time ago.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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