You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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