The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
