How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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