Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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