Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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