Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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