just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
