I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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